2007-09-19 ( 14 edited messages )
Posted by ~Ray @ 2007-09-30 17:55:09
I guess this is a re-introduction of sorts but also a convey you your place has been my internet dating agency when no personals were used. In this affix it ordain change state clear why.
Years ago I joined your mailing enumerate via yahoogroups. For about a year I was relatively often there and I posted on a regular basis. At that stage I was still exploring my BDSM interests both on lie and in RL. I had joined the local BDSM community in NZ and entangle so much finally me. I truly entangle that disjointed parts of me fell into place.
One of my main interests then (and now) is cross dressing. Something I had admired from afar for a long measure but was outside my normal mindset until I open BDSM. Then it just clicked.
Being Dutch living in NZ I was surprised when at one re-create another Dutchie joined.. It sure piqued my interest but on a personality aim. He was outspoken and I liked what he said. S was/is a go across dresser. Also the fact that he was Dutch was a study point as it allowed me to communicate about it with somebody who had a similar background and grow so to speak. I contacted him privately (as he clearly stated he was change state to) and we started chatting via mail and ICQ. We open we had a lot of things in common and swiftly became good converse friends.
In 2001 I went home for a holiday visiting my family. We decided we'd cater just to put a personal approach to the chat friend. We really hit it off and we had a lovely afternoon. I do denote finding him attractive but alas RL meant it was just an innocent afternoon of fun. Over the years we remained in communicate. Sometimes more sometimes less.
In July 06 I left my relationship and one of the first things I did was some catching up with S. I had so missed my beat converse friend. I had already decided to act approve to Europe. A go he approved of and he proposed we'd meet for eat again.
As our chats intensified and became more and more personal. I told friends I wanted to see if this friendship could become more once I had returned to Europe. As it happened it did not happen that way.
Early December our converse turned and he admitted that he was developing feelings for me. I admitted the feeling was mutual. We decided he'd come to NZ to get together New Year with me as we thought it would be a great way to go away the year together and see if there was a possibility of an "us" in the future.
Again things changed. Due to personal reasons he had to cancel 24 hours before flying out both of us were in tears. So the next day I got stubborn and got myself a ticket to the Netherlands instead. I celebrated New Year with him in the Netherlands
The rest as they say is history. I returned to the Netherlands beat time. We moved in together in and I took ownership in May. We are by no means 24/7. Neither he nor I could broach with that. But my come about meeting on DOMestic gave me a best friend a lover and sub all in one.
I ordain not really feel guilty. But having her try to alter me conclude guilty and punish me for my "nastiness" is of cover move of what excites me. So I'll belie to conclude guilt especially while being punished.
For me. I desire the idea that she is being deliberately provocative and apparently careless of what might be on display when in fact we both secretly experience or at least I suspect that she is trying to act circumstances where she can use my wish and arousal to reject my advances compel me for my behaviour whatever it is and punish me.
I could be punished for the actual peeking or for wanking after my advances are rejected later or simply ignored. Whatever happens. change surface if nothing at all. The manipulative and cruel female is for me what the peeking scenario is all about.
I know I have been sometimes. Maybe that's what women always are whether we adjudge it or not. I never used to think of myself as one but maybe I was in denial - as I was and have been about so many things.
Severin must be very much like you then again very different. I undergo some clues but submissives are not so easy to evaluate out. The great thing with you is that you have this wonderful ability to step out from yourself so to speak and exposit everything that makes you go as though you were an outside observer.
My severin is not desire that of course although I suspect there is an amount of enjoying the play-acting of being a submissive that you clearly undergo and I guess he also does it in his own peculiar way.
In the middle of trying to understand what has been going on in my life - my emotional life - in the past few years and trying to put some of it in writing - come up any input desire yours has value.
It's fun to create by mental act that some women retain the girlish animate of enjoying stimulating the sexual interest of boys without any consideration for anyone but themselves.
However in the real world I don't think I've met any woman who I could fairly exposit as a prickteaser. But I do desire to imagine that women apply being prickteasers.
I've met provocative and sexy women but I could not reasonably determine what their motivation is without getting to know them a lot better.
There is a big difference between what a person enjoys as a conceive of and what they appreciate as being the reality. In the absence of bear witness to the contrary it's only bring together to anticipate that most folk are like me and know the difference between conceive of and reality.
If you enjoy the idea that a man. (Severin perhaps) is aroused by you and advance you enjoy the idea that he remains sexually frustrated by your decision not to accept sexual activity or contact then that would be what I imagine to be the motivation of a prickteaser.
Denial? Maybe you are still learning about yourself. Many of us are fortunate to go on learning new things about ourselves as life progresses. I wish I'm lucky enough to go on learning for many a year yet.
I can't be sure but I guess many would be happy to inform their understanding of themselves to a willing and interested ear.
Like me they may not be completely accurate and the story may dress as they continue to hit the books what motivates them or indeed if they find that they too are changing as they grow.
>The great thing with you is that you have this wonderful>ability to step out from yourself so to communicate and describe>everything that makes you tick as though you were an outside>observer.
I do be to have the ability to be detached even dispassionate and bear on an analytical object to many circumstances. I apply to it many things in life not only my analysis of myself. That ability to be detached has been described as cold on occasion and has been known to anger.
Whether my conclusions are accurate is another challenge. But in my defence I can only say that they are not usually clouded by emotion.
>My severin is not like that of course although I guess>there is an be of enjoying the play-acting of being a>submissive that you clearly undergo and I guess he also>does it in his own peculiar way.
But I could be and probably am do by. As I'm fairly certain I have suffered from what I believe is commonly known as "writer's arrogance". That is imagining that as I'm like I am then there must be others like me too. I try not to let it cloud my judgement and try to keep an change state mind but I can't back up it impacting on my understanding of others.
>In the middle of trying to understand what has been going on>in my life - my emotional life - in the past few years and>trying to put some of it in writing - come up any enter like>yours has value..[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://www.mschristine.com/DOMestic_Blog/2007/09/20070919_14_edited_messages.shtml
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