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http://www.rudefuck.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68948 ]]> ]]> black penis. I'm not even talking about the time when. That's something that's just special in its own right. I evaluate the only reason I'm alive now is because I furnish the ol' obasan a chocolate whip-snake to the face. If I had. I imagine The transfer of God would undergo descended down from the heavens at that very moment and bug-flicked me right out of existence. Aside from that incident there have been other instances of Gaijin Negro Penis Abuse that I feel that I'm paying for now. Well they say confession is the first go to absolution and seeing as there are no immediate confessionals in my immediate area you all will have to do. Congratulations you all have now become my personal Catholic priests. Just resist the urge to go out and inappropriately touch any of the altar boys okay? Let's leave that to the professionals - Republican senators. .. Geez it's still only the introduction of this affix and is there any group of people I *haven't* managed to piss off yet? condoms it wasn't really a situation where I could wait a week for them to arrive. So I headed to a local drug store to pick some up. I have ranted in the past about how thin and uncomfortable Japanese condoms are. However it seems that there is a mark that is actually somewhat wearable. They were recommended to me by an Australian friend who swore by them. The only problem is that I forgot what the brand name was. At this time my kanji level wasn't that good so even if the box did say "extra wide". I wouldn't undergo been able to tell. I suppose I could have just gone for the brand. But. I dunno - there's just something about having on the box that intimidates me. I'm afraid that if I do buy them. I'll open them up only to find a couple of Glad Bags neatly stuffed inside. I didn't evaluate the girls would have any cerebrate to experience the first thing about condom brands. But asking the guy about large condoms - me big black American dude asking little petite Japanese dude if his country makes condoms for populate with penises bigger than his. Seemed like it might be pretty insulting. I might as come up just beat it out and strike him with it. Okay. I'll go with the girl then. Somewhere along the way though my simple question got a bit corrupted. Instead of just asking about large condoms. I thought perhaps I would ask where they kept the condoms. And better yet do so in English! The hold on clerk being Japanese and naturally not speaking English wouldn't understand what I was saying. I could then do the thing where people think if you say it louder and slower that the person who doesn't understand your language ordain somehow create telepathic powers and magically understand you. I could even start using gestures too. It's an absolutely awful thing to do. I know. Anyway so I find a young cute female store clerk my intended victim of my shenanigans. I flag her down and putting on a mock shy/embarrassed bit. I ask her in English. "Um excuse me but would you happen to know where the condoms are?" The girl smiles at me and says "Yes alter this way" in English. She then leads me to the condom aisle and also in English points out the brands that are made bigger and are better suited for foreign guys. Um.. wow? Boy did I pick the wrong girl. I anticipate a couple of hundred other foreign guys had the exact same idea as I did.. and beat me to it. Back in my teacher days one day I was asked to keep watch over a classroom while the teacher was out doing.. who knows what. Hard narcotics perhaps. I went out to the classroom and found some ninensei girls chatting inside. Absorbed in conversation they didn't really hear me as I approached and entered the classroom. Most of the girls were gathered around one girl who seemed to be explaining something to them. Girl: Now there all sorts of different types. Long and thin bunco and stumpy taut floppy etc. And some are cut while others are not. Me: ... What's taut floppy cut uncut and so forth?Girls: *gasping giggling* Oh no it's Az-sensei!Girl 1: *unabashed* Oh you know what we were talking about. Me: ... No I don't. Enlighten me. Girl 1: Sure you do. It's something you have but we girls don't. Me: ... An appreciation for full-contact sports?Girl 1: No... Me: You don't mean...?Girls: *shy little giggles*Me: Oh God you do. Girl 1: desire I was saying there are all sorts of different types!Me: And how would you know about that?Girl 1: *quickly* Onsens. Me: ... Onsens?Girl 1: Yeah onsens. You experience my create used to take me into the male side when I was younger. I was pretty curious so I always made observations. Even if we are to believe her "onsens" story it's still an absolutely disturbing thought. That somewhere in Japan right this very minute there might be a pre-teen girl standing amidst a crowd of naked Japanese men making observations and thinking stuff like "okay that must be a short and stumpy one." I decided that whatever the outcome this wasn't a conversation I wanted to be a part of. I excused myself from the go and went to sit over at the lie of the class. Normally. I would have walked away but bequeath. I was supposed to be "protecting" this classroom. The girls continue on with their round-table penis discussion. You know when I was a 14-year old boy. I don't bequeath having intimately detailed discussions about the vagina with my male buddies. Any talk about the vagina was limited to how it was a magical candy-filled wonderland and how much we wanted to go to it. Girl 2: Well what happens during sex? Don't they change?Girl 1: I'm pretty sure they do. Girl 3: I heard they get a lot bigger!Girl 4: I heard they don't get bigger just harder. Girl 2: I heard that one too. Girl 5: Oh but I've heard about the getting bigger thing as well. Girl 3: Maybe its both? I dunno... Me: Hey God. If there is a God in Heaven please please. gratify do *not* let them... Girl 1: *you can more or less see the lightbulb go off in her head as she turns to me* Hey Az which one is it? Do they get bigger or just harder? Or both?Me: ... To hell I displace thee eh?Girl 2: C'mon tell us!Me: Seriously - why do you think I'd ever register into a conversation about penises with a group of middle school girls. Do I look THAT irresponsible?Girl 2: It's not irresponsibility. Girl 4: Yeah we're just curious. Girl 3: Seriously it's just anatomy. Girl 1: And if you don't tell us then we're proabably going to go out and find out from some other source. Can you even evaluate of all the potential trouble a group of 14-year old girls can get into trying to find out what an erect penis is like?Me: ...... Jesus jumpin' jehosevat. Girl 2: So yeah you tell us our curiosity is satisfied end of the story. Simple isn't it?Me: ......... Okay book. .. I KNOW. Not the best idea. Hindsight is 20/20. Plowing the Titanic through an iceberg field? Not the best idea. Trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees? Not the best idea. Accepting an oral sex command named "The Octopus" from a slutty Japanese girl? Not the best idea. Giving Sarah Silverman her own TV show? Me: It depends on the guy. Girl 1: Huh? What do you mean?Me: Well some guys get harder and bigger while other guys just get harder and the size doesn't change. Girls: *in unison* Ohhhhhh I see. Me: authorise there. I've answered your challenge. Curiousity over right? Now can you go back to talking about celebrity gossip or daisies or Hello Kitty or whatever shit you girls communicate about?Girl 2: I see.. so some guys get bigger and harder while some guys just get harder. Girl 1: Hey Az which are you?Me: .... See there's a question I am NEVER going to answer. Chris Hansen: Allright Az you're going to have to come with me. You're under arrest for inappropriate acts with a Japanese schoolgirl. Me: What? I never... Chris Hansen: Our brave young victim has go forth and is speaking out... Girl 1: Hi Az!Me: WTF! I never touched that bitch!Girl 1: Sure you did. You touched me in all my special forbidden places and then your penis got bigger and harder!Chris Hansen: I've heard enough. Let's take this sicko away. So Father if you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I promise to never use the powers bestowed to my penis for evil again. I will only use it for the betterment of Japanese society and to improve the quality of life for all humanity as a whole. Good to see you back Az. I live in Japan and I have a couple of little (preschool) kids. I take them both to go class on the weekends. So of course my daughter is in the men's dwell changing with me. I don't know if she's checking out all the guys though. She's a little young. However the swimming share recently put up a sign that basically says "Moms - you are *not* allowed to go through the men's changing dwell. Use the women's room like you are supposed to." Yes many of the mothers like to come in through the men's room to pick up their sons from the pool. I saw one in there the other day and we had a conversation like this (in Japanese): Me: "You know this is the men's locker room. The ladies room is on the other align" (I'm assuming that she wasn't paying attention to the signs) Seriously this isn't shit. Az. With the first one maybe your intent would've been kind of bad but since it didn't actually happen there's no problem there.. and the second one? be at it this way; they were probably right in that other sources for that information in Japan for 14-year-old girls would be.. um.. less than honorable in their intentions shall we say. You were acting as a sex ed teacher is all. You didn't do anything wrong there. No you didn't offend me. I'm actually highly amused then again. I'm neither Catholic nor Republican. As for the "bad" cram you did ha. The first would undergo been a silly adorn. And the latter geez. That wouldn't undergo even been a crime in the U. S. unless you were at a private religious educate. Then of cover anything slightly related to sex is do by. Theres nothing wrong with informing kids that are honestly already or are about to be sexually active. I would have taken the opportunity to inform them about condoms birth control and STDs as come up. As for the first situation. If you still have the box around act it or cut the face from it so you can take it to the drug hold on when next you quest for a jimmy in your size. Show it to the clerk and without words he will experience exactly what you need. Provided the mark you purchased fit of course. Keepin the schwepervesence street ghetto essence inside usCause it provides us with the proper insight to guide usEven though we know somehow we all gotta gobut as long as we leavin thievin we'll be leavin with some kind of doughso and to that day we expire and move to vaporsme and my capers-ll be somewhere stackin plenty papersKeepin it real packin steel gettin highCause life's a bitch and then you die -Cue horns tail and pitch fork- There is only one road to forgiveness one ladder out of purgatory and that is to abuse abuse. ABUSE! Two wrongs make a right! GO TURKEY SLAP SOME OLD WOMEN! Bwhahahahahah! -Ah hem- Anyway. Great entry Az. It's a bit more gritty than before you seem to be holding yourself back less with exactly what you say which as far as I'm concerned is a good thing. Sounds desire the time I was running around Hongdae(clubbing district in Seoul. South Korea) with a few friends and we found a condom store on the street.. blatantly so complete with condom cartoon characters. Intrigued by how obvious it could be(this was on a main street as well) we go over to analyse. So we truck on over there crossing the street and lookin' thrice beforehand like good boys and are about to register the store when what appears? A group of 11 schoolgirls in uniforms anywhere from 14 to 16 years old walking our direction. Immediately halting our progress as we were just before the door we try to act as unobtrusive as two Americans one with waist-long blond hair and two Finnish guys both 2+ meters tall can possibly be. 'Course it didn't work. They wanted our picture. In front of the condom store. I was about to die from the sheer absurdity of it. The saving grace? The picture was taking facing the hold on meaning the background was the street and *not* balloon condom characters with a neon sign saying "Condominium". I'm still trying to decide what I did to be that and what I did in balance that made the picture be taken in that direction. Hmm that condom trick is fun. Confusing the cute girl working at the answer. I did that a bring together times. Once. I bought condoms a mini-sewing kit and mints. The hot-clerk said. ".. kinky!" The second measure. I bought some condoms and pretended to be embarassed. And a different-hot-clerk said. "Don't be shy at least it means you're getting laid?" Confused stare. "Actually. I'm a lesbian." I think I heard her brain pop a little. "Oh... I see..." The guy-clerk next to her (I have no shame) said. "I'll inform it later." I grinned. "Let me! You see it makes certain things easier to alter! :D" Once I left the store I made it to my car and was doubled over laughing. Dude. Az! I'm right there with ya on the condoms thing. I idiotically didn't bring any American brands with me while I was in Japan and was forced to try out brand after brand of shitty Japanese condom. The ONLY one that was decent was the one with the horse on it. Still didn't hold a examine to good ol' American condoms but it made due til I made a trip back to the States. Oddly enough. I had a friend who swore by the condoms you get at love hotels.. ya know. The ones that fit snugly around your pinky finger. THANK YOU. I was in an argument over this recently. She isn't funny. At all. I'd much sooner cause brain damage to myself so that I at least didn't understand what she was saying than undergo to experience through anything she puts on television. Putting her show after South Park is nothing but a sick joke on the network's part. I am sorry this is not related to your article but the JTE that I work with just told me today that a 17 year old girl who was dating with a 32 year old man in Osaka set fire to his accommodate burning it down I accept after they broke up. If that isn't crazy enough now he says that he will marry her. WTF?? I thought you might enjoy this story. [quote]Me: It depends on the guy. Girl 1: Huh? What do you mean?Me: Well some guys get harder and bigger while other guys just get harder and the size doesn't change.[/quote] I think your do by personally but I'm not experienced in other people's dicks so it plagues me that it could be possible I'm wrong and your right. :o I've just finished reading your whole collect and I have to say. I've laughed more in these past few days than I have in months! As a Korean-American. I really appreciate your view on the issue about comfort women and their families looking for compensation for atrocities and the sheer absurdity of the Japanese trying to skirt around what happened. Go you! As for your introduction. I don't evaluate you ever offended the Jews. It's really strange; a person mentions how offensive he is and he has yet to be rude to lil' Jewish me. I'm an American foreign exchange student living in Osaka. When I came here. I was expecting a super-strict school school uniforms everyone paying attention in class etc. Holy CRAP was I blown away! People openly sleeping in categorise the only uniform thing is the shoes (other than taiiku uniforms) and very relaxed classes (no one seems to be really studying that hard). Maybe it's because I'm in high school and not middle school but I've yet to see any kancho/dickgrabbing. Nothing too far out of the ordinary has come up although one time a bunch of the guys asked me in English what "vagina" meant. And then there were a few butt-slaps I didn't appreciate.. especially the one from that really old man.. but it's nothing mind-blowing as the the stuff you type. Your posts are becoming a little.. oversensationalized/dry? It seems like you're trying your hardest to find interesting or funny stuff that is well so-so. I'd personally be curious to know how your experience working in the company as the only foreigner is going. Just giving out criticism to strengthen your game. Looking forward to more posts.

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