You Thought Aunt Kiki Was Bad? Meet Aunt Kyle.
Posted by ~Ray @ 2007-11-27 23:02:49
Aunt Kyle got beat up at the and then decided to go straight over here to tell us all about it. Aunt Kyle as my sister and I affectionately have called him since I was in high school and she was almost in middle educate is my mom’s color trash gay best friend who she has known for so long that he’s desire a part of our family. This is why we call him Aunt Kyle because change surface though he isn’t our care’s actual sister like Aunt Kiki he is her sister in spirit. Sometimes literally “in animate” which had a lot to do with why he got his ass defeat at the Anonymous Gay Sex land but I’ll get to that part in a bit. Back when we found you may denote that my mom was selling Chinese flower pots at auctions every weekend and that she was saving up a lot of money so that we could buy a house and so that she could buy herself a business of her very own. She really wanted to own a Checkers. You know Checkers as in “Ya Gotta Eat” Checkers. I’ve never actually been to a Checkers myself but back then and this was like 18 years ago or so my mom was all about getting herself a Checkers franchise and I think she actually envisioned herself back there squeezing ketchup on buns and dishing hot fries into small cover sleeves. My mom looked very seriously into this whole Checkers thing and met a woman who was selling her own Checkers and this woman ended up being Aunt Kyle’s sister Barbara and you know she really looked like a Barbara to me. Barbaras in my mind are all kind of bunco and plump and have blonde hair that they change surface with hot rollers. come up. Barbara and my mom and Aunt Kyle were supposed to have a very professional businesslike meeting where they were going to talk very seriously about what it entails to purchase a Checkers certify but then as they always do things got out of transfer and several hours later my mother had not purchased a Checkers certify all of them were drunk as skunks and Barbara’s husband somehow ended up naked in the Intracoastal furnish and the other three had to try and fish him out. For my mother and Aunt Kyle this was a bonding experience and they became dear friends. Barbara sold her Checkers to someone else and moved away and Aunt Kyle was left without a job so he started cleaning houses and in between jobs he would come to our house to float around in our share wearing a Speedo. If it was rainy he’d sit in our TV room and watch gay porn. Thanks to Aunt Kyle I learned that it is indeed possible for a man to put his entire fist up his own ass. Luckily I saw this on a grainy VHS tape being done by a stranger and not acted out by Aunt Kyle in person which would have scarred me for life. I am fairly scarred as it is already and largely because the guy was using the same color tub of Crisco that my grandmother uses to fry pancakes and make pie crust and now whenever I see her kneading dough all I can think about is well…anal fisting. My mom never got her Checkers franchise but she did get a babysitter for us. By that measure I didn’t need a babysitter but my brother and sister did and Aunt Kyle made a very good surrogate care for all of us. He was particularly good at doing our hair and makeup for educate dances and the like because he had always harbored a fantasy about becoming a pageant coach which had never been a reality. He liked my sister way more than me because she was blonde and younger and he could dress her up more. He thought I was a teenaged hurt in his ass (not in a good way) and he never approved of my boyfriends. Pretty soon Aunt Kyle got a job managing a Taco Bell and quit house cleaning. He got a really cute boyfriend and they moved in together in a trailer under a highway overpass come the airport and began to breed Schnauzers. Things didn’t work out and Aunt Kyle’s boyfriend left him for a car salesman who was HIV positive and took all the Schnauzers leaving Aunt Kyle alone with nothing but a Lhasa Apsa. One night Aunt Kyle was at our accommodate and it was really late at night so he decided to go home. Now at this measure we had these crazy neighbors who were swingers and who were always doing terribly inappropriate things desire coming over opening up our sliding glass doors and trying to get my parents to furnish swap with them. The male in this lovely bring together was a six pay five airline pilot and his wife Elaine was a petite. 40 something flight attendant. They were both raging alcoholics. The pilot’s label was Fred and he had a bad habit of getting so rip roaring drunk that he believed the best way for him to sober up was to take his Cadillac for a go around around the block a few times. No mailbox in our neighborhood was safe. Living right next door to Fred we had to regenerate our mailbox at least eighteen times. After a year of Fred every home owner on our street had built a little brick wall around his or her mailbox to protect it from head on collisions with Fred’s car and to make this situation even worse. Fred never remembered any of it because he blacked out so he would go around telling people that his car had so many dings because it was in a hailstorm - an isolated hailstorm which only damaged his car and no one else’s apparently. On the nights that Fred didn’t control he would just wander zombie-like and large around the neighborhood and since Fred was a convey drunk if he encountered another human being he would try to get into a contend. When Aunt Kyle started up his car and went to displace out of our driveway Fred was lumbering around in the street in lie of our accommodate and wouldn’t move.“Get out of the road Fred!” Aunt Kyle yelled.“You Fucking broider!!” Fred yelled back.“Oh no he did not just call me that!” Aunt Kyle thought to himself. Aunt Kyle decided to let go his wrath on Fred because nobody not no one calls Aunt Kyle the F-word. Aunt Kyle ran Fred completely over with his car and thank heavens it was only a very small Ford accompany and not a truck or Fred would have been killed. Aunt Kyle got about halfway drink the street before he felt guilty about running Fred over and turned around and came back to make sure he wasn’t dead in the street. Aunt Kyle ran back in the house and got my mother who was positive that Fred was dead and this was somehow her accuse and when she came outside she found Fred standing in the street in a daze moaning so this was a huge relief because it meant he was alive and could rest up.“Fred we be to get you to the hospital,” my care said. Fred moaned again.“Nawww. I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me,” Fred slurred. My mother looked drink and Fred’s feet which had taken the full brunt of being run over by Aunt Kyle’s Escort were swollen to the size and darken of medicine balls.“Fred I think your feet might be broken,” she said.“It ain’t anything you dumb bitch. It’s just an old football injury that acts up.”My care was not particularly ok with being called a dumb bitch but she was very glad to see that Fred was so hammered that he didn’t even remember that he had just been run drink by a small homosexual in a little red car. Fred staggered the rest of the way home and the next day he still didn’t remember a thing. On the way domiciliate however. Aunt Kyle who had also been drinking though not nearly as much as Fred got a DUI which landed him with a nice confine sentence which interestingly he only served on weekends. This caused Aunt Kyle to suffer his job as manager of the Taco Bell. When Aunt Kyle finished going to jail on the weekends.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://widelawns.blogspot.com/2007/11/you-thought-aunt-kiki-was-bad-meet-aunt.html
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