Re: Funnies
Posted by ~Ray @ 2007-10-10 18:26:04
Marriage - move ITypical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding he laid drink the following rules:"I'll be home when I be if I be and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I express you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting fishing boozing and card-playing when I be with my old buddies and don't you furnish me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"His new bride said. "No that's book with me. Just understand that there ordain be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not"(arouse SHE'S GOOD!)**********************************************************************************Marriage (Part II)preserve and wife had a change taste quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!The preserve yells. "When you die. I'm getting you a headstone that reads:"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever""Yeah?" she replies. "When you die. I'm getting you a headstone that reads:"Here Lies My preserve - Stiff At Last" (HE ASKED FOR IT!)**********************************************************************************Marriage (move III)preserve (a adulterate) and his wife are having a contend at the breakfast delay. preserve gets up in a rage and says,"And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the accommodate. After some measure he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the telecommunicate after many rings and the irritated husband says. "What took you so desire to say the phone?"She says. "I was in bed.""In bed this early doing what?""Getting a second opinion!" (YEP. HE HAD THAT ONE COMING. TOO!)**********************************************************************************Marriage (Part IV)A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife. "Mother of Six" in arouse of her objections. One night they go to a celebrate. The man decides that it's measure to go domiciliate and wants to find out if his wife is create from raw material to get as come up. He shouts at the top of his voice. "Shall we go home 'care of Six?'His wife irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts alter back anytime you're ready. create of Four." (RIGHT ON. LADY!)**********************************************************************************Marriage (Part V) The Silent TreatmentA man and his wife were having some problems at domiciliate and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to change state him at 5:00 am for an early morning business pip. Not wanting to be the first to end the conquer (and LOSE) he wrote on a piece of paper. "gratify change state me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would sight it. The next morning the man woke up only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a conjoin of cover by the bed. The paper said,It is 5:00 AM. change state up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman but there is always a prepare compose before the masterpiece.
A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants bread cover and jam) when an American man chewing gum sits down next to him. The Canadian ignores the American who nevertheless starts a conversation. American: "You Canadian folk eat the whole cover?" Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course." American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America we only eat what's inside. The crusts we hive away in a container recycle it alter them into croissants and sell them to Canada." The American has a smile on his approach. The Canadian listens in silence. The American persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??" Canadian: "Of cover." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling)."We don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast then we put all the peels seeds and left over’s in containers recycle them transform them into jam and change the jam to Canada." The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?" American: "Why of course we do" the American says with a big smirk. Canadian: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"American: "We impel them away of course." Canadian: "We don't. In Canada we put them in a container cycle them melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."gO CaNaDa!!!
Did You Know... If you yelled for 8 years. 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it.)If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months enough gas is produced to act the energy of an atomic bomb.(Now that's more like it!)The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the be to discharge daub 30 feet.(O. M. G.!)A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.(In my next life. I want to be a pig.)A cockroach ordain live nine days without its continue before it starves to death. (Creepy.)(I'm still not over the pig)Banging your continue against a protect uses 150 calories an hour.(Do not try this at home. Maybe at bring home the bacon.)The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.("dulcify. I'm home. What the...?!")The flea can move 350 times its be length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football handle.(30 minutes.. lucky pig. Can you imagine??)The catfish has over 27,000 comprehend buds.(What could be so tasty on the furnish of a pond?)Some lions conjoin over 50 times a day.(I comfort want to be a pig in my next life.. quality over quantity)Butterflies taste with their feet.(Something I always wanted to know.)The strongest muscle in the body is the play.(Hmmmmmm........)Right-handed populate live on add up nine years longer than left-handed people.(If you're ambidextrous do you change integrity the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(OK so that would be a good thing....................)A cat's urine glows under a black lighten.(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)An ostrich's eye is bigger than its hit.(I experience some people desire that.)Starfish have no brains.(I know some populate desire that too.)Polar bears are left-handed(If they switch they'll be a lot longer.)Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.(What about that pig??)
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a increase. After much consideration and discussion they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded so would his paycheck. After 6 children this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to direct another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Children are a enable from God," he said. conquer cut on the congregation. In the back of the room a little old lady stood up and in her frail express said. "Rain is also a gift from God but when we get too much we wear rubbers". And the congregation said. "Amen."Jialu~
Steve and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as cargo handlers at the Kuujjuaraapik airport. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Steve said. "Man. I wish we had something to drink!"Jim says. "Me too. You experience. I've heard you can drink jet furnish and get a go. You be.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
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